'Turn RIGHT', he said. 'Fuck's sake, bloody eyeties.
AND they can't even make a decent cup of tea.'
For complicated family reasons, the Colonel and I are having Christmas apart this year. We are being jolly brave about it as befits a former British Army Officer and a lachrymose gin-soaked gypsy. So tomorrow we are going to Venice for our own indulgent pre-Christmas jaunt. Neither of us have ever been there, and frighteningly for him, every guide book advises one to just get as lost as possible. This will be a far cry from our usual route-planned holidays; no maps to pore over, no tightly-packed schedules to bark out over a quick breakfast at 0700; just a labyrynth of waterways ('What, not even a bloody pavement?'), crumbling old buildings and bridges and possible flooding in the few streets there are. Fabulous.
I suspect he has packed GPS, stout boots, theodolite, flares, dried rations, back-up map and compass. I will not be surprised to see Scotty, his legendarily faithful Army driver, standing smartly to at the airport with an amphibious vehicle and more maps.
I am packing books, towering heels and something sparkly for Harry's Bar and some more books. And a black cloak for sitting morbidly in a deckchair on the Lido. Wish me luck.
...And an inflatable liferaft, just in case. Well, someone has to be in charge and I think your readers will be deeply relieved to read that when dealing with Johnny Foreigner,and his no doubt appalling lack of health and safety standards, it is me.
ReplyDeleteIn a way it could be fun to get lost on a romantic getaway! Let your self get swept away and surrender to all things possible, you can always ask for directions if the Colonel is too proud. Lots of luck!
ReplyDeleteBonne chance!
ReplyDeleteAnd DO NOT forget the brick red lipstick...
ReplyDeleteColonel, you're right. Fuck's sake! Not even a decent cup of tea! Braver man than me, Gunga Din.
ReplyDeleteI think Mallory has some leftover meat lozenges.
ReplyDeleteHave fun.
Hostess - lovely to meet you; yes,there will be lots of lostness I expect
ReplyDeleteJames, thanks as always
LPC I'm not sure it's the Colonel's colour - he's more of subtle gloss man
Blue, I LOVE Kipling, and that poem is a smack in the chops to anyone who jumps on the bandwagon of dismissing him as a cultural imperialist. And breathe...
ADG - that thought still has the power to make me feel just a tiny bit sick.
A toute a l'heure tout le monde!
It's always good to have back up as long as it never cramps your style!
ReplyDeleteOh, chere Els, I wish you much, much more than luck. . .
ReplyDeleteTishxo
Wandered over here from A Femme d'un Certain Age - so happy I did! What fun reading.
ReplyDeleteBon Voyage! (I have a sneaking suspicion you'll need little luck)
Jumped over from Maxminimus. It's been many moons since I visited Venice...one of the highlights of my life. Enjoy!
ReplyDeletePay attention to the Colonel! You might need the inflatable raft (or at least some wellies). Venice experienced acqua alta yesterday and they're expecting more with the high tides later in the week.
ReplyDeleteAm sure you will both have the most fantastic time - you with your sparkles and The Colonel with his map and compass - a great combination! Enjoy!
ReplyDelete