The dullest post in history

Friday, 12 February 2010

'Yes, young man, what can I get you?' 'It's for my mummy, can we have a bucket of gin with a Guinness top. Only she's on a coffee drip at the moment and she's boring as f*ck.' 'Yup, we've just read the Ikea post. Try a Blue Stratos chaser.'

Very emotional old day today - Carrie The Radio One Sports Presenter is off to have her baby and, given that she has been a huge part of our morning routine for five years, we are all a little damp about the eyes this morning.

I took the bots to Ikea last night, eschewing maths prep. We were supposed to be looking at wardrobes but of course passed immediately into that twilight land where things you never knew existed never mind needed suddenly fill your basket, and all sense leaves your head.

They were enchanted by the tiny-flat-you-could-kit-out-for-50p. 'Look!' shrieked Freddie. 'This is exactly what my first aparkment will be like.' He sat somberly at the teeny desk looking tenderly at the photos of random gorgeous people decorating the bookshelves. 'I can turn the telly on from bed and there's a coffee machine for when you come to stay. It's perfect.'

We came home with coloured clips-for-bags, a heart-shaped cushion with arms, some espresso cups, a new blanket for the dog and god knows what else. I thought very seriously about getting the built-in espresso maker for the kitchen - what utter bliss. I could just lie under it, mouth agape like me and my mates used to lie under the optics at college.

Of course, we didn't get near the wardrobes. We laughed a bit about that in the car this morning until the enormity of Carrie leaving hit us. I dropped them at school sniffing and gulping. I'm not much better myself. I have promised Indian takeaway for supper and a lot of games at the newly-painted library table. In the meantime, I have a billion emails to answer and a mountain of work that all needs to be dealt with before half term next week. Am thinking about getting in the stationery cupboard and not coming out.

I wonder if I could get a coffee machine installed in there.


  1. I didn't even realise Carrie was pregnant untill I heard it on the radio this morning. But my reaction was the same as whenever I hear of another womans pregnancy. A little part of my brain sighs with relief that it's not me, and irrationally hopes that it isn't catching.

  2. Who's Carrie?

    Now do you feel better?

    We went to Ikea this week and surprise (!) half the staff was on strike and picketing outside the front doors so we had to slink in with our eyes on our boots. We bought one new rug for one dog; those bio-whatsit light bulbs that make one's skin look green; a little plant with red berries; three screws (they were free actually); picture frames and smoked saumon. I'm not allowed to buy any more candles for the moment.

    Et voila.

    xoxo, Tish

  3. If you climb in I promise we'll set up some sort of coffee delivery service.

  4. For some of us Ikea is death and Costco (US thing) is worse than death. No one person should have to see that many items in that short of a time.

  5. Ikea...shit. Stop flogging yourself.

  6. OMG - I am sorry but I cannot stop laughing at the "Labels" classification of this post ! Isn't it always the way... why oh why when you go to Ikea do you come out with a zillion things you do NOT need...? (or did not think you did)..I consider it an absolute feat if we can bypass everything not needed and GO STRAIGHT to the Market Hall or Market Place or whatever it is called and then get out again within 30 mins!

  7. I too was upset with Carrie leaving this morning (no-on else knows what you're talking about, woman).

  8. I would personally like to come to each of your houses and do a horrible job as thanks for your having read that post without slitting your own throats for light relief.

    No more candles allowed here either. Some people need less fireandsafetyrisk and more romance in their blood.


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